The battle is never ending.

Today (and many other days) I have been thinking about how hard it is for me to believe I was ever pregnant before. In 2 more months it will be October, the TTC again one year mark. I don't know if it's because of all of the mental pain I have suffered in the last 10 months or what but I don't remember how I felt when I was pregnant. I know I was super happy but I don't remember anything. I KNOW I had acid reflux and I was tired but when I say I don't remember, I mean I physically can't remember what it was like. Did my mind place a block there as to protect me from more pain? It's the strangest thing. For the record, I started my period again this month. This time it was 4 days late and annoying as heck. Another $8 on pregnancy tests thrown down the toilet. I really need to learn to be more patient. So does my husband.

Life right now

We are so busy there is hardly enough time in the day, much less any time to think about the fact that it is now August and coming up on the TTC 10 month mark. I feel like maybe things will be better with TTC now that we can't/don't think about it.

I still wish I could convince myself that I don't want a baby because this would be a lot easier to deal with if I felt that way. I sometimes find myself to be jealous of the couples out there that never feel like they need a child.

The house is coming along nicely so that's a big plus. We bought some stones to make a walkway and garden area in leading from the back door so now we have a big project to take care of! Yet another thing to keep us busy. It really does help, though. Everyone told me staying busy helps keep your mind off of things. I guess I should start listening.