Honesty

After I had my miscarriage I bundled all of my feelings into my own heart and head. I didn't want anyone to know how much I was hurting. 8 months later I told my husband just how badly I hurt, STILL. I told him I had been thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. I still haven't tried to see one. I really feel like I should be able to work through these issues on my own like I always have. After starting my period once again this month, I decided to say f*** it. I'm not "trying" anymore. I want a baby more than I have ever wanted anything else but I don't want it to take over my wonderful life with my husband like it has been. I don't want to be sad all the time. I don't want to be angry all the time. If I get pregnant, I get pregnant. If I don't, we just go about our lives like we have been until we can speak with someone and get testing done in October (the TTC 1 year mark). I don't want to feel this way anymore. For now, I am going to focus on my husband and our dog-der, Mocha. We have a great life, we really do. We are in the process of buying our first house that we absolutely adore and finally moving out of the 2 story home we are renting that I hate, hate, HATE. I can't wait to feel the way I felt before I ever got pregnant or we ever entertained the thought of TTC. My life has been hell ever since the miscarriage and I just want the old me back.